THE GRINDSTONE TRIBUNAL:

Here’s one of those rare examples where everyone who wrote something recommends it across the board… yet from reading our entries, you’d swear few of us would. Come see what Dreskar, Karochi, Dobar, Yora and myself had to say about this game’s many many quirks…

Dreskar:
This has been a long ass time coming, a game I can actually recommend. Ya that kind of spoils the whole tribunal thing but fuck me if it hasn’t been ages since I could actually say “Ya that game isn’t total shit, and the developers need not be ashamed of themselves.” Now for the big sticking point though, this game is terrible but in ways that can actually be fixed. We aren’t talking about core issues as the foundation for the game is solid, but things like story which is super shit, lazy graphics and cutscenes which are super shit, poor animation quality and an awful party system. Those all are fixable with time, even if it is very unlikely, which means they could sort their shit out eventually.
The big tragedy of this game is that the developers are greedy little shits, and have put in as much pay to win, gambling horseshit as possible to rack in as much money as possible. While the real money currency of K-ching comes from an older title the phrase is actually appropriate for the level of scumbag douchebaggery these developers want, and the manipulative business practices and unashamed pay to win nature of the game are very disheartening.
Fuck me, why do I recommend this piece of shit? Oh the core foundation is solid… and it is a very sad day when I have to look at a game so flawed and so shit in so many regards and say, “Well fuck me, it isn’t outright broken like the last ones… eh fuck it recommended.” But ya we have had a string of shit lately, I hope this really changes and I can give a very confident yes!
Recommended?: YES, just don’t give them a dime. A very dispassionate yes though…

Karochi:
HeroWarz is my third favourite game with a name that unironically ends with a Z. The most defining feature of the game is how incredibly fucking stupid it is and it knows it (I think). It genuinely does not feel that much like any other game to me. Obvious comparisons can be made to other (were we allowed to call them Hack&Slash games or have people not yet agreed on what that means?) similar lookin’ games like Diablo or ELOA. But few of those games go about it like HeroWarz does. They try to mix fun and simple gameplay with more hardcore challenging aspects. HeroWarz just goes all in on the fun and simple (well, minus a certain fish, but at that point it was pretty fun to actually get a challenge). This is a great game to play if you just want a really simple experience of beating the shit out of some shit.
Comparing it to any other MMO I’d say the biggest difference is that it lacks a certain complexity that something like a crafting system might add. There isn’t really any side objective while playing the game except to get through the missions and level your character. But the gameplay overall isn’t any less exciting than your average MMO, though I suppose because of the game’s faster pace it’s to be expected much more exciting since you seemingly have to pay more attention to it. My pro-tip solution to that would be; don’t. Focus on something more interesting while playing HeroWarz and you’ll be having more fun grinding there than you would in your usual WoW-clone. Though if that’s not what you’re lookin’ to do, then there’s nothing here for you.
Recommended?: YES

Dobar:
I’m going to sound like the review, but the game is fun in short bursts.  The game is fun to play, especially with friends, but after a couple hours, most of us get tired of the game and need something else to do.  The combat is fun, the playable characters are distinct in their style and you will probably find a style that you like.  While the enemy variety feels better than other Diablo style games, it can get tiring facing 6-10 waves of mobs with sometimes a miniboss and a final boss at the end.  At least the missions are done in around 15 minutes, making it great to pick up and put down.
The story is an absolute mess, more so, after reading the extra cutscenes in the Deus Report section, though some characters do have specific scenes for themselves.  It is hard to follow who is the good guy and who is the bad guy, and they throw so many characters at you, that it sometimes makes a Metal Gear story easier to follow, not to mention some of the really dumb moments in the story, though it was fun to see the reaction of others towards it.
While i did enjoy playing it, probably more than any other game reviewed this year (though I did not buy Overwatch or Battleborn) I probably will only play it once in awhile.  The player training after the story makes the game even more boring, even though it is just going through random levels with random enemies.  I have no idea what is after that, as even after going though player training a number of times, I do not have the gear required to do anything else, and if I want to mindlessly grind the same thing over and over again, I would just grind out the Yokai Watch weapons in FFXIV.  While I stopped caring about the game after the story, I still enjoyed playing it and might play again at some point.
Recommended?: YES, it is a great game in short bursts, maybe play 5-10 missions at a time and go do something else.

Yora:
Being a bit of a wordy bitch, I will try to keep things brief, but I do feel it is necessary to state that out of all of Grindstone, I have the least amount of experience with any sort of MMO and thus this opinion piece is literally from a newbie perspective. A newbie who happens to be on the more easily amused side. With that out of the way, I rather liked HeroWarz.
The plot is bananas and nigh incomprehensible, the characters are fun and quirky and have different playstyles that, to me, not only differ in appearance but in feel as well. The story levels are fun, and I enjoyed the linear, kill all the things along this path, boss, next arc, game design.  To me this made the game easy to drop into, kill some time with friends, and then get out when you needed to.
I could go on and on about all the different aspects that I liked, from character quirks, Fable Town, to animation on some of the skills, Fable Town, to some of the enemy designs (plushy lambs, living books, and those penguin bastards are cute I guess), Fable Town,the social aspect of being able to ride your friends around piggyback style, Fable Town, that song that plays in the character select screen; but what I really want to touch on are the skill modifications that are on your different pieces of equipment.These mods were a source of delight and bitter disappointment.
A good example is something that happened fairly recently when leveling up the Derrick character. A new weapon caused his movement/dodge skill to now cause a volcanic area of effect. I soon discovered that I could use this to Mario my way through the chapter and basically stomp on all the enemies like they were goombas. This lead to much giggling, and I’m pretty sure the two random people I happened to be doing that story with thought I was crazy.  I was much saddened when I had to exchange that weapon for a newer one with better depth, and unfortunately, a  different modification.
It was also nice to not have to worry about grinding out levels to be able to go to the next story mission. In fact, if you did just want to play just for the story, (I’m not quite sure why you would want to) you barely have to worry about anything. Equipment is handed to you practically on a silver platter, you level with each mission done, and you have an infinite health potion, so there is almost no need to “farm” for items. Almost. Once that (current) final story mission is done though, you hit the grind wall harder than a crash test car.
Which leads me to some of the negatives. HeroWarz is obviously not perfect. There are many things that would cause someone to not like this game. The private rooms aren’t always exactly private so soloing isn’t really a thing, the bad (hilarious) translations and voice acting, the clan system being nearly useless, having to sign in via browser first, that…”plot”, but it is what it is, and to me, it’s a fun time.  Give it a try. Just sit down, sign in, and go beat up Hansel and Gretel.
Recommended?: YES (Can anyone point me in the direction of that character select song? Thanks)

ChaosD1:
Hero Warz, what even the hell are you? Why is the story so needlessly convoluted and written with more poor writing tropes than My Immortal? Why is the Cash Shop theme one of the best songs in the game? Why does every (post pubescent) female character have to be very busty, ridiculously hot, and covered in random bandages?
Hell, I might have been tempted to put some cash into this game and net Hades a bikini top if I wasn’t so sure my character would be reported or banned. How the hell was I not able to register ChaosD1, Chaos, or MMOGrinder but “FuckMuffins” went through without a hitch? Shit’s broke, man.
Of course after Dobar assured me that I only had about 5 chapters in the story to play through, I decided to grind through to the end… and I was starting to HATE it by the end. This is NOT a game you want to marathon through, as while I was ready to completely uninstall the game by the end of that grind session, a few days away had me logging in for music and footage purposes… and finding myself having fun with it again. I think I actually like Jerry better than Hades now. I think I’m starting to get a thing for sporty, athletic girls.
Oh why did I say “stolen assets” a few times? Well beyond Dreskar thinking a lot of the sounds were stock or recycled, we came across more than a few instances of things seemingly taken from other sources. Hansel and Gretel being bounty hunters, part witch and even their designs are reminiscent of “Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters”. The most egregious to me is an image that appears in the opening cutscene, of a teddy bear defending a sleeping child from a monster… the concept of which first appeared as a DeviantArt post in 2006. Yes really.
Overall, it’s certainly a thing, and I’m tempted to leave this game around in order to get some playtime in with some of the new characters. When is Bi-Gwang due out anyway? I need to know for… personal reasons.
Recommended?: YES. KOG has a wheelhouse, and this definitely fits.