Tell us how you really feel (Episodes FFXIV Special, 66 and 67)

What’s in this block? Oh, that… Goody. This was an odd block of games, regardless. What a weird way to close out the year last year.

Special Episode: Final Fantasy XIV
There is nothing inherently wrong with this game as a game. I want to get that out of the way. There are things I don’t like, and can easily cherry pick examples out of the game, but I’m pretty sure the review covered them. See, FFXIV is a game that didn’t come out at the right time for me. I KNOW had this been the game that came out when say, I got into World of Warcraft, this would have been the exact game I was looking for. I loved Final Fantasy… past tense heavily emphasized but those days are over. I can’t stand the company or franchise, and regardless what the fanatics of this series and game will tell you on my Youtube page, I did not want to let that affect my review of the game. There are plenty of people who got into the game specifically because of my video, and all the power to them, that’s the point of the show.
My reasons for not liking it are just that. MY reasons. It treats every level before max like a tutorial. The dungeons are hand-holdingly simple, and don’t get remotely interesting until the level 40 range. The combat feels very simplistic. I couldn’t stand a minute of the atrocious writing, lackluster voice acting, and constant fourth wall breaking bullshit contained in the story. I decided not to play it anymore because I just didn’t like it, but I wasn’t about to tell others NOT to play it. It’s a fantastic MMO for beginners and FF fans.
But those currently playing the game, obsessed with every stupid flashy thing and fanservicey nod to the series’ far better days, and filling my Youtube comments with constant protests of the video because you’re too stupid to notice I was telling people to play this themselves? This episode wasn’t for you. I said the thing I said in the beginning of the video specifically because I knew you’d do this very thing. Are you mad I didn’t get to “endgame” which the game’s absolutely atrocious pace did nothing to properly prepare you for? Too fucking bad. This isn’t for you, and it never was or will be. You have your favorite game. “Mayhap” you should sod off.
Recommended?: YES, certainly. I just don’t want to play it or deal with its sycophantic fanbase.

Episode 66: ZMR
I had way more fun with this than Grindstone did, but maybe I’m weird. Yes, it’s a Chinese Gears of War Knock-off, but I never played Gears of War, so this doesn’t bother me. What does bother me is the way EnMasse markets this game, as they’re clearly operating on an angle the game wasn’t even remotely going for (save for that wonderous “Jurassholes” stage). Beyond that, the game seemed to take itself seriously and not in the good “Airplane!” sort of way, which completely undermined the wacky, over the top tutorial and general marketing EnMasse was putting forward. This really isn’t a love letter to B-Movies. It’s just classic Chinese rip-off stuff. It’s still generally FUN Chinese Rip-off stuff though, and if you get past the P2W Cash Shop elements, it’s fun enough, even if the candle does burn fast and bright…. Why do I still have this installed again?
Recommended?: Eh, sure maybe a bit. YES.

Episode 67: Dead Island: Epidemic
Hey there, choice number two. Yeah, this WAS supposed to be Transformers Universe, and we were looking forward to doing that game… (and perhaps a retread into it would have let me realize that the bots of the opposing factions weren’t all exact clones of each other anymore. Oops.)
Oh, I should probably talk about the game I actually did instead.
I was disappointed. I really liked the game I played in the Sidequest. It was fun, interesting and unique. What they replaced it with.. was not. The “Horde Mode” had clever boss fights with interesting mechanics. “Crossroads” just beefed up the regular enemies and made them fight cheaply. The game seemed to be more interested in screwing you over than making sure you could make it with your own skill. PvP always felt one-sided and the weird unwritten tendency for the 3v3 factions to form defacto alliances against the current leading team was baffling and counter-intuitive.
I can’t say “don’t play it” though. It’s different enough to have people find it interesting, and it certainly doesn’t play like any MOBA currently on the market. The potential was there. We saw it! It’s just… I’m seriously hoping they keep off this path they were on when we did this review. Also that Ron Swanson impression is terrible. Knock it off.
Recommended?: YES… tentatively.


Posted on June 24, 2015, in Miscellaneous and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Final Fantasy 14. Oh dear god, Final Fantasy 14. Prime example of why you can’t do anything within earshot of Square fanboys without giving their favorite series honey-dripping, glowing reviews.
    And it’s the same. Damned. Thing. Every time. “You didn’t even get to endgame”. It was the same for Final Fantasy 11. Which, by the by, I played for almost half a decade. I’ll say to 14 what I said to 11. THE ENDGAME IS BORING, AND THE SLOG TO GET THERE IS BORING. IT’S BO-RING. And in 14, when you’re done doing the same slog with pubs over and over, your great reward is to get into the obnoxious endgame guild scene.

    Of course, the difference between 11 way back when and 14 is now is that 14’s changed to literally hemorrhage EXP out at you in an effort to hurry people into the “interesting endgame” ASAP. Which has people reaching the high levels with barely any idea how to play their jobs. When Heavensward came out, I made a quickie character on my wife’s account just for giggles, started as Marauder (since I hadn’t played that one when the game first came out), and my pub groups were AMAZED I knew how to tank. I told them “I have no idea what I’m doing on this job, yet I got to 30 in under a day. I just played a bunch of FFXI.”
    Yeah, everything tended to go dead quiet in party chat from that point on.

  2. I tried XIV. The combat killed it for me. It just feels like another WoW clone to me, and I’m not paying monthly for that.

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