Snidequest: Scarlet Blade

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Posted on April 1, 2013, in Episodes, Sidequest and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 72 Comments.

  1. I think that was the best review I’ve ever seen, mmm hmm yes. Btw Mack also did a funny LP of it.

  2. the Spanish Inquisition

    this game exists?
    Jon you now must do a review of it.do it or else you’ll get….The Comfy Chair!

  3. ogresamanosuke

    I’m almost sad that you did this one as an April Fools, I wanted you to properly tear into this pile of shit. Oh well, still amusing, well, at least until halfway through, the fake accent wore on me quickly. :p

  4. Wait, when you said the nudey outfit could be purchased, did you mean like it’s a cash shop item?

    I hate pay to win
    /ragequit

    • Points for your username.

    • There is an item called an Unsealer that you either get in the cash shop, by luck in the daily loot chest and from what I heard can also be dropped by world bosses. What this does is lets you remove the default underwear so you can put on the other types which unlike the default one have bonus stats on them. Or you can stand around naked except for some bandage like things over her crotch which some do, just as some have their char stand around town in their underwear in other games.

  5. I like tits and ass, so I’ll be checking this game out. I also like good gameplay and stories however, so I’ll probably uninstall after maybe a few hours; it doesn’t look like it offers anything worthwhile. Also the voicework here is rather terribad, I wonder if it is really that had to not talk like an idiot.
    Actually now that TOR is completely free I should try and finish that up. It had a decently interesting plot, at least for the Sith Inquisitor.

    Your way of presenting this was quite entertaining. While it was only an april fools thing I’m guessing, I think using this type of approach for exceptionally bad or ridiculous games would be rather fitting.

    • I find the sex aspect tapers off as you go along, it’s just pushed pretty heavily early on. The level five suits (only suits, gloves and shoes are visible for armour) are all pretty revealing, except for the medic’s suits which never really go as far as the others do. By the level 25 suit and other example suits most are about as covered as the women in most any other Korean MMO, except the Whipper who never wears much of anything, the Shadow Walker who is more covered than they can be in other games and the Punisher who can’t make up her mind if she wants to be covered or not and where.

      It’s a decent game but overall fairly average. Level twenty or so doesn’t take long and you’ll have a good idea of what the game currently has to offer by then (level cap is 29 at the moment, will go up to 44 I guess later).

  6. By “Perverted Asian Fantasy Standards,” these women are all modest C cups.

    • yea the fact ppl rip on games due to the women having “oversized” tits when they have C or D cups is a bit of a pet peeve of mine considering it’s entirely natural and possible to have those sizes

      • Two out of six of them are stacked, one has more standard 15-16 year-old sized breasts and the other three have fairly typical sized breasts for a woman in a Korean game.

        • *shrug* i still think griping about somethin like that is very petty unless EVERY female character is packing E+

          • Because it’s incredibly tiresome as a woman to see characters designed in a manner that says that’s that the most important thing about us is how stacked we are and how pert our ass is. There is no reason for these women to be that big, it’s solely for objectification.

            • It might just be my personal taste, but I think men in games are designed to be the opposite of what women find attractive. Would it kill them to have options for super long hair & super lean bodies? Western MMOs always give men fugly faces too….

            • I’d be for those options. Love a guy with a well-kept pony and skinny isn’t a bad thing. But just as they can only think with their dicks for how to design their women, they only think about how they would like their ideal selves. Asking what we would want would never occur to them.

          • But why do any of these characters need an E at all? It’s purely for objectification and as a female gamer it is extremely annoying how often female character are reduced to being a pair of walking tits since too many are otherwise devoid of personality.

            • blame the fact that most game devs are male not much else u can do besides not play

            • If you look at Korean MMOs in general the fact something like this came along isn’t that shocking really. They’ve been pushing the sex sells button pretty hard all that time with some going further than others. Rusty Hearts, Dark Blood, Vindictus, TERA, Blade & Soul and on and on and on. Even the ones that on the surface look more cutesy will have sex appeal jammed in your face. Look at his Luna review and the new or forth coming char for Dragon Nest which wears a frilly bikini like outfit with large breasts for that game complete with bounce.

              Gaming on a whole has been doing this sort of thing for a long time. Look at games like the Tomb Raider series, Duke Nukem, fighting games like Dead or Alive, Street Fighter and so on. If you want to get annoyed at that sort of thing then there’s a long, long line of titles for you to go after.

              It’s getting to the point that if you play a game with realistic characters in it you either have sexy characters, lots of gory violence, or both. This sort of thing bugs me too but what pisses me off is when they try to sex up little kids as some do. Games aren’t real and being able to realize that is important, but the sad part about all of this is you can find all this pretty easily outside of gaming as well, and I don’t mean porn, so called mainstream “acceptable” content is doing it. Then for years now when I’ve walk around and see what some 12-15 year-old girls are wearing I’m forced to wonder what the hell is wrong with their parents, who may very well be the ones walking along side them at the time.

            • Oh I absolutely agree. Seeing the tweens dress like they do is incredibly disheartening. It’s all part of the same problem and it’s all messed up. Society needs a massive reboot on this front.

              And “Oh there’s nothing you can do besides not play.” Of course there are things that can be done. Not playing is stupid and counterproductive. The industry does crap like this because they think that only men play their games. Women are trying to make themselves known as gamers so we can be taken seriously. If we stop playing games it only reinforces the notion that only guys play games.

              Honestly, the only way this is going to end is if male gamers stand up and say “Ya know, it’s okay if our girls look semi-realistic.” Given that the attitude of Mike is probably the most predominant one out there…I’m not optimistic that this will happen.

            • w/ the whole korean thing.. different cultures mean different standards i suppose.. nothin can really be done cept be vocal about it and hope they listen

            • and to add to what vamp said (dammit no edit) personally i’m indifferent to over-sexualization in gaming i mean sure there’s limits to what i consider overblown but for the most part i don’t care either way… may make me sound sexist or something but that’s seriously how i feel

            • Given a choice between the Korean and at least to an extend general Asian game focus on sex and the typical North American focus on blood and violence, I’d rather pick sexy. I know it’s not real, I just find it a lot more visually pleasing than another head exploding in a bloody mess. I do also like more muted games on both fronts like the Ys series of games and various puzzle games.

            • On a side note there are actually women or at least people claiming to be women actively playing and fans of this game.

            • I don’t always play asian grinders, but when I do, there’s sexy chicks. Joke aside, why would anyone want to play a generic asian grinder otherwise…

            • You should play the Aveyond series; no boobs, lots of personality, romance is optional & can be rejected, female protagonists in all but one of the games in the series. My favorite is Mel from Aveyond 3.

            • Thanks for the rec! I’ll have to check them out.

            • Another comment is that these days there are a LOT of games and MMOs out there. Some are aimed at one demographic, some at another and others try for a more general appeal. This is aimed more at guys, that’s it. Not every game has to appeal to everyone and I’d bet good money that the ones complaining about this game the most here and elsewhere never even tried it.

              I could most likely take anything you happen to like and show it from various angles that make others think it as complete and utter garbage. This is not a review, this is a gag review where he’s poking fun at the game as it is easy to poke fun at. Take combat, this uses tab/click to select and hotkey combat and if you’ve played games using that system you know especially as you go up in level you have so many things to watch out for that you don’t have the time to ogle your character. Same here, although it’s easy enough to use that control system as a way to poke fun at the game by saying you could, which he did.

              Until you actually give something a fair try you shouldn’t try to talk about it as if you knew all there was to know and try to brand it as garbage. If you’ve tried it and don’t like it, that’s fine, like anything it’s not going to be for everyone. If you don’t like their decision to pound the sex sells button in a big way and don’t want to try it, that’s fine too. Although if you don’t try it you need to accept that you don’t understand much about the game. Also if you’re going to blast this game here for sex appeal to be fair, you should visit his TERA, Dark Blood, Rusty Hearts, Vindictus and other reviews to do the same there, the acceptance of games like those is what lead to a game like this.

        • Marvel/DC Rules: 1)All women are Double Ds. 2)Red is the most common hair color for women.

      • As I see it, these women are only 1 cup size larger than me, & they just defy gravity. ::Breast envy::

  7. I… I kinda wish there were more episodes of Snidequest. I really do.

  8. Aww, I was hoping the April Fool’s video would be Kingdom of Loathing.

    *actually watches the video…*

    Oh god. I don’t think I’ve actually seen this thing in motion for more than 5 seconds before. I’m kind of disturbed. And I’m not the prudish type. This thing…it exists. It exists, and it’s a thing. Someone looked over my shoulder while I was watching this, and asked me if they had made “3D Custom Girl the RPG”. It actually put the thought in my head of them having some kind of “premium” purchasable content that would let you strip these girls down, give them toys, and let them go to town. Such a thing happening would not surprise me.

    The worst part? This same person said this game gave them “Phantasy Star Online vibes”. They then told me they were kidding, and said that just to mess with me. Now I can’t think of the upcoming PSO2 without thinking of this thing.

    …I’m going to go play Kindgom of Loathing now. Because I figure enough stick figures will balance out the balloon-boobs of this. The anti-boob, as it were. Avatar of Jarlsberg, here I come…

    • I was expecting KoL too. I guess that one’s just too obvious.

    • PSO2 has a LOT of Costumes, and at moment there is a LOT of Special Female only costumes with no male counterpart.
      And it includes Bikinis, Onsen Towels as of last update, and most line balancing thing is probably the wet towel that shows just a little skin color at few places through the towel.
      Then again, the game has also a lot of cool and stylish Female costumes too like Heart Breaker, All Blind and so on. There is even Female versions of some costumes that first were Male Only, Adventos and Heretic Lord.

      It does have some of it but not enough to really hurt any interest Female players might have. If you are playing the waiting game then have no worries, main focus of PSO2 is entirely in the game… And then second focus is to make more Female Only costumes darn, effn, sega, I play male character give me stuff sega seriously…

  9. After your prior announcement about a forthcoming video and it’s relation to timing I had a feeling it would be an April Fools video and that it could be for Scarlet Blade, I did mention it’d be hilarious in the suggestions page. It’s really easy to poke fun at this game, and many do as for one thing, the game doesn’t take itself all that serious to begin with.One thing about the voice reads is that they range from decent to something that sounds like it was done by the voice synthesizer of my Mac, I wish you used one of those in the video.

    All that aside it’s actually not that bad of a game and after a while you largely ignore or become desensitized to the heavy T&A factor. It’s not an action RPG as are becoming more common these days but a tab/click to target and hot key spam type so that will put some off right there. The young character type, the Sentinel, they thankfully made more 15-16 rather than 10-12 plus is cute, spunky and high strung rather than sexy, also they covered her up a bit more in a way than in the Korean version. The chat, is awful as mentioned, I think I turned all public chat off within fifteen minutes which unlike most other F2P games I’ve tried you can actually do here. There’s too many idiots that got it just to stare at the T&A, but after most of those have tried it and left it’ll probably get at least a bit better, will likely still largely suck though as is common in F2P games.

    For the most part it’s average to a bit above average as it does seem to get more right than it does wrong. Aeria Games also, so far at least, seems to be doing a good job of taking care of things and has at times impressed me compare to all the other F2P Korean MMO publishers I’ve dealt with thus far.

    • Rufus T Fyrfly

      All kidding aside, I think you hit the nail on the head with the word “average”. Aside from the concept of playing as scantily clad ladies, there’s not much else that SB brings to the table. To my eyes, it looks like a more ecchi verision of Phantasy Star Online 2, albeit with an open world.

      That being said, Aeria games is a company that I feel does F2P games right, with Turbine being a close second(longtime Eden Eternal and LOTRO player here) so I know they won’t suffer from low populations.

      I’m sure there are some who will play the game for totally “innocent” reasons, though (I read Playboy and Maxim for their stimulating articles, myself.)

      • Yep, nothing really new and amazing in Scarlet Blade, still kinda fun and does some things fairly well (ex: I like the UI and enhancing your gear doesn’t include a chance for it to blow up), of course as with any game, it won’t be for everyone. The T&A is just a selling point which if you actually like the game itself you largely come to ignore after a while, does still slap you in the face now and then though. Since it is still at a fairly early state it’s possible it’ll have some surprises in the future, or maybe it won’t.

    • Yeah, I have to admit I’m enjoying some aspects of the game. The grind is well, grind, and I knew that going in. I try my best to ignore the chat and the voice acting. I did like how my character’s face turned out, with the very bright pink eye make up that reminded me of butterfly wings. The shininess of the characters reminds me of dolls/action figures ala City of Heroes. The combat is fairly simple, yet satisfying, at least as the Whipper class. To me, this game is pretty a Lineage 2 clone but without the pretenses regarding the designs for the female characters.

      “Why, yes, we ARE treating women as sex objects. If you don’t like it, then go play Sociolotron, or Red Light Center.”

      • Korean MMO = grind, period. Those of us that have played them as you say knew that coming in. Shiny characters does seem to be a thing lately though doesn’t it? There was a slider to adjust how shiny you were in Vindictus for instance and oh boy are those chars shiny in Blade & Soul in the videos I’ve seen, I swear they must be oiled up full time. As for this or that being a clone of the other when it comes to Korean MMOs, I find that’s pretty much par for the course, you see it a lot in gaming in general too. Then as for sex appeal, Korean games have been bad for pushing that heavily for ages, on one hand I’m surprised one would go as far as this, on the other I’m surprised it took this long for one to go this far.

        • The “shinyness” is easy to explain: It makes the lighting effects more obvious, which in turn makes the graphics look more complex and presumably better.
          Recent super hero adaptions and the Star Trek reboot added weird textures to otherwise simple costumes and uniforms for a similar reason.

          And oh boy, I don’t think the gameplay is up to standards if they have to try THAT hard to attract male audiences O_o

          • It’s actually not bad. I went in figuring I may as well try this as it was a reasonably sized client and when the future inevitable conversations on the game come up I can say “yep, I tried it, it’s a piece of crap with tons of T&A.” After playing awhile and looking past all the T&A I realized it’s actually not that bad on it’s own, nothing amazing, but still fairly decent.

  10. The sad thing is how much Aeria is promoting this game a founder’s pack wut? the fact that it’s just a re-skin of Dragona not helping maters. But for some reason I liked it for a bit.

  11. I….got nothing.
    Well i still kinda like this game character esthetics aside, monsters have interesting designs and gameworld locks nice and combat being simple does not make it easy.
    Also he was right he does have bad luck with timing.

  12. Why, Jon my good man! I’m absolutely aghast that you failed to explain to these delightful people, perhaps the greatest feature of this BRILLIANT game. I have noticed that many times, these provincial game developers will make their games just too abhorrently fast, but I am absolutely thrilled to state that Scarlet Blade has no such issue. That by, oh, I’d say level 22 I was elated to find that leveling slowed down to and absolutely divine speed. Story quests would not appear until I had reached the next level, and I would still have 40% of my experience bar to go. And the “mobs” of my level would fill the bar at a delightful rate of just 0.15% per kill, ensuring to add HOURS of enjoyment.
    OF COURSE, for those PEASANTS who can’t appreciate such a fine thing when so graciously given to them, there are daily quests and repeatables. However, Scarlet Blade ingeniously keeps this bearable. Making each completed one worth 1% of your experiance bar, blessing you with the ability to repeat them over and over again, dozens of times, for hours, extending every single glorious minute to what seems like an eternity. Oh Scarlet Blade, how you bring such light into this dull dull world.

    • Once you do get to level 21+ there are daily quests for decent XP rewards and some other stuff from terminals/NPCs plus you can redo dungeons which also have dailies and are good for loot. With that in mind rather than just hammering on mobs you could either just go the more casual route and do your dailies then do/play something else. Another option is to make another character which once you get to that point you have another char to do the dailies on.

  13. Haha, wow! An MMO where the characters are all women, all with ridiculously huge boobs, and with so little fabric the DOA girls would be embarassed! And with the combat so simple you can do it one handed? HA! Oh well done, you got me, an April Fool! Well done! The fact you actually managed to scrounge together realistic-looking footage only makes it…

    …wait, this is actually a THING?!

  14. Flawlessly executed, jolly good show! :D

  15. Ah, nothing like playing “Naked Barbies” XD !

  16. It was pretty funny, nice april fools episode.

    And since I’ve played the game, I can safely say I kind of mirror those sarcastic. Though, could you make a real sidequest outlining your thoughts without obscuring it all in sarcasm?

    • Something tells me a real sidequest or review is going to require a “TITS, DON’T, WORK THAT WAY!!!” counter.

    • I think you can “spot” the real feelings in the episode either way, lol..

      Almost everything that’s a “positive” in this is actually “Holy shit this is stupid..”

    • I thought his real feelings for the game was pretty apparent:

      1. The breasts are ridiculously oversized and you can’t make them any smaller

      2. The gameplay was completely dumbed down to maximize the amount of time you can spend staring at said chests.

      3. The community are obnoxious fanboys are only in it to ogle said tits.

      Besides, I get the feeling that this is one of those games where reviews are kind of meaningless. This is going to be a game that some are going to seek out no matter what because of the generous endowment it has, so it doesn’t seem like a “serious” review would serve much of a point.

  17. Nice one.
    Funny thing that I often got an advertisement for Scarlet Blade on your old stream site (the silent ones at the top right).
    Also you have a “tits don’t work that way” tag?

    • He has one now! And if this is any indication, there’s a possibility of another game that would have this apply.

      It took a few seconds for me to notice that it was Snidequest, rather than Sidequest. It’s subtle, like much of the humour in this review. Sadly, the actual characters are anything BUT subtle.

    • As far as reviews here go it likely started with the Dark Blood review what with the breasts there acting more like water balloons. Coupled with their enormous size the obviousness of that in Dark Blood was undeniable. Here at most it’s just that they have anti-gravity breasts or something, other than that they seem to have the more standard jello mould breast physics. In the end I’ve yet to see any game where people don’t say the breast movement isn’t completely realistic, and honestly don’t care so long as it’s not as bad as it was in Dark Blood, that was just distracting as heck.

  18. This masterpiece would make Shakespeare tremble in envy and jealousy!

  19. Rufus T Fyrfly

    LOL perfect. Right when the Blistered Thumbs “theme” started, I knew this would be good.

    @Setch Dreskar
    I’m pretty sure there will be some butthurt coming along,And it will gloriously funny:)

  20. I love you man xD
    I was playing this earlier just to lol at it and snark on Twitter. Perfect game to do an April Fool’s video.

    I remember one of the first lines of dialogue in the game was telling my scantily clad lady character (who I tried to make as covered up as possible) to appreciate her guns, to stroke them, and to ‘love them.’

    Lady, I don’t think I wanna put those guns where you’re implying >__>;;;

  21. I like the addition of game’s sound bits to sidequest.

  22. Great vid. The fact that this game exists is hilarious.

  23. Wow haha… just… I am speechless, also great April Fools episode… though I bet someone will take it seriously =P

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