Tell us how you really feel (Episodes 55, 56, and 57)

This block would be wholly unremarkable if it wasn’t for one game… This game pretty much gave me a major boost on both places I posted with a success that I kind of expected, and a backlash I most certainly didn’t. People complain about anything for any reason. There are no winners… in Scarlet Blade. (Also featuring Digimon Masters and Grand Chase, but who really cares? Oh hey, I started my Patreon this block too, didn’t I? I seriously never expected it to get where it is now. I’m still waiting for it to tank, honestly.)

Episode 55: Digimon Masters
You know, if Dabeer and SonicRose didn’t co-host this review with me, it’d have been me screaming “THIS GAME IS A POINTLESS STUPID UGLY CLUNKY CONVOLUTED WASTE OF TIME” over and over again. I did not like it. It was all a grind for an end goal I wasn’t even sure existed. I had no connection to these characters, this world, and everything in it made me go, “What’s that? Oh, ok. Who cares?”. Horrifically pay-to-win, and generally uninteresting combat, graphics and settings, I had no love for the game, and just smiled through the motions to remain impartial to it. Though making one of my Digimon speak entirely in Breaking Bad quotes was kind of fun. A lot of Grindstone liked it. Dabeer and SonicRose loved it. Me…? I thought I was pretty clear up there.
Recommended?: Unless you are a major fan of the Digimon franchise, NO.

Episode 56: Scarlet Blade
I gave way more attention to this game then I ever thought I would. A jokey April Fool’s Sidequest, a side article that I totally reused the name for, and of course, something I swore I’d never do… an actual review… followed by several rants about the game spawned from misguided dipshits calling me sex-negative because I recognize when a game is just luring you in with tits and bullshit, and called them on it. I can’t stress enough that there was literally not a single thing based upon sex within the game. No relationship or dating aspects. That technically makes LUNA Online more of a sex focused game than this, when you think about it. The only thing that came close was the Dance Club which was a needless offshoot, completely skippable, and featured some fucking AWESOME music.
But the game is solid. Gorgeous, even! I can’t believe how fantastic this game really looks when you ignore all the cheesecake. There’s a solid setting with an interesting dynamic, tragic story, and lore-filled world, that gets all brushed aside because “omg my chick’s tits are so big omg so hot!”. The very thing luring you into the game, is the second worst and most needless part about it. You want to play an online game about fucking? Go play Second Life. This isn’t it.
What you here is a really good game if you just play it, and stop ogling it. The only other real downer is the grind walls you hit at later levels, and honestly, that’s the ACTUAL worst thing about the game. If they tweaked the later levels to flow a bit better, and gave us some more insight into the actually intriguing story, we would have a much more enjoyable game I probably would have kept playing. Even the community managed to mature themselves in time, and those who play the game now play it for its merits, not its tits. Which is likely more than I can say about the people defending the game’s cheesecake and shameless pandering. They’ve probably never actually played it.
I did actually stop after I reached the VIP club, but not because it was a stripper party. I actually thought that was really funny and kind of a neat aesthetic (I have a thing for flashy neon dance clubs, ok?). No, it was the grindwall we endured for several hours before finally reaching it, that made us feel like we were officially done with the game. Goal achieved, after all.
Recommended?: If you can get past the fanservice… both as a possible detriment or lure to play this game…YES.

Episode 57: Grand Chase
Hey, I remembered when I reviewed this game. WHEN IT WAS CALLED ELSWORD!
Sure, GC had a much more vast cast of characters, with a respectfully unique moveset for all of them, but so much about this game just felt like a weaker, messier, clunkier version of Elsword.
Ok, yes, Grand Chase came first. I get it, and I don’t care. I reviewed Elsword first, and to this day I still have no idea why so many players of GC were so adamant to say that Elsword had nothing to do with their game. It’s the same developer. The same art design. Visually and functionally similar main characters. A same character between the titles. The same gameplay style. The same everything! It’s the same god damned game!
It is. Shut the fuck up, it totally is. Accept it!
You know, except GC couldn’t stand on it’s own, even with Killer Combo’s crutch underneath it, so it’s gone now. Again. Don’t worry though. You have Elsword. It’s the same game.
Am I tired of every single time I make mention of this someone always has to tell me they’re so totally different? Am I being mean and inflammatory?  Yes. Bite me.
Recommended?: NO. It’s dead anyway. Go play Elsword.


Posted on June 20, 2015, in Miscellaneous and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. I will allow that I was a bit slow to pick up on this point in the Scarlet Blade review

    Background music to the list of obnoxious search terms: Air on a G String (Bach)

    What 99% of clothing choices in-game amount to: Air–on a G-string.

    Damn! that’s my kind of pun! Good on you, Jon!

    Please someone tell me I’m not the only one who noticed. :^S

  2. It’s funny how Digimon and Scarlet Blade ended up in the same block.
    Digimon, being what most would consider a “successful, established franchise”, got a game that, let’s face it, was a shitty mess of a quick cash-in. Which is a shame, because the formula for the game is more or less RIGHT THERE from the shows. How do you screw that up?
    Conversely, Scarlet Blade, a game that looks, plays, and generally seems to have more effort put into it than any game that’s been marketed the way is has would have any right to be. Right? Am I wrong there? I mean, boobs boobs boobs OH WAIT, there’s an actual GAME there? And it’s not trash? How’d THAT happen? It’s like the developers actually gave a damn about what they made. Crazy, right?

    And Grand Chase. Hey, why don’t you tell us how you REALLY feelohwaityoudidnevermind

  3. I enjoyed Digimon Masters for a while…it’s one of those games where dumping cash into the game will make life infinitely easier though, and that coupled with the massive grind (though rebirth? island helped that a ton) made me drop the game in the end for games where I wasn’t able to kill things without even looking at the screen.

    Elsword is actually better on the pvp front because Grand Chase grab mechanics were a TOTAL FUCKING NIGHTMARE! Okay, you got up, dashed off, made it halfway across the map and…oh wait, no you didn’t. You actually got grabbed on wakeup by laggy mclaggerson and now have 1/10 less hp. But wait, their grab also knocked you down the nearby pit, chunking you for another quarter of your hp. ISN’T THIS FUN GUYS??????

    There are actually numerous differences between the games, with even Elesis playing completely differently between GC and Elsword. That said, none of them are big/memorable. Like…if I was asked to point out one specific thing that was different, I couldn’t (and not just because it’s been 6+ years since I last played). Oh I know! GC was shameless enough to call it Gacha instead of this Ice Burner/Fossil Reader crap. I guess really everything in GC was slower, so that’s something.

  4. Yeah, I will wholly admit that any enjoyment I got from Digimon Masters comes entirely from nostalgia; both for the original series and the original Digimon MMO that came before Masters (though I can’t remember if it was actually any better than this one). I will say that the only good side of the game in response to the pay-to-win aspect is that they do usually have really good events to offset the almost need to actually buy a good Digimon egg, but that can’t make it anything more than eye-candy for die hard Digimon fans. Still, you gotta admit, the whole “THE DANCE OF MY PEOPLE” thing that came about from this game was pretty fun (Yes, this is where I started that with that weird as fuck dance the blonde guy did; had way too much fun trying to scare people off with it). Plus, what can I say; SMT: Imagine was one of my favorite MMO’s, so clearly I am a mark for summoning creatures to fight for me.

    • I second the summoning creatures thing. I love the capture and summon mechanic in games, so I’m up for pretty much any MMO with it.

  5. yea scarlet blade is really a pretty good mmo if u can put up w/ the fanservice i’ve poked around a bit lately and suppsoedly they’ve done a thing or 2 to help w/ the grind wall that u hit in the 20s like daily xp boosters that give u a HUGE boost to xp from hunting or something

  6. Ya I played Grand chase since its release so I am not going to argue there. Dabber and I started playing Elsword cause I needed my GC fix and was finally willing to give elsword a time cause as a game reviewer once said “After time most MMO players go back to the game there most familiar with” same for me I never hated elsword I was just had so much invested into GC that I could not switch.

    From someone who played GC for years Elsword is actually very fun dabber and I have been really enjoying the game a lot. I find it easier and sometimes more disorientating than GC, but I do like the combat and stuff…if anyone is a GC fan Elsword feels very much the same. Only easier which some may not like others may love it makes it very easy to get into it though. Only thing that irks me from time to time is the 3D,2d rotations of the dungeons and fields.

  7. baloneyjustice

    I have to wonder.. what is more popular… Second Life, a MMO that does almost everything can to hide the fact it full of sex.. or Scarlet Blade that tries to sell itself as being full of sex..

    BTW, have you thought about your next april fools review yet? I know you might be also thinking about the halloween review too… but just saying if there was a place for cannon fodder for you show…

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